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WHERE’S THE CHEESE?

Inquiring minds want to know.

“Say, Elisson,” they remark. “Now that you’re Lost in the Cheese Aisle, where the hell is the cheese?”

Glad you asked.

Owing to my recent weight loss regimen, cheese has been thin on the ground around here... at least as far as my own food intake is concerned. But I love cheese in all its variety, from the mellow curds of cottage cheese (perfect when doctored up with a dab of sour cream) to the stinkiest Camembert.

Whether it’s available in quantity...

Cheese at Costco
The cheese aisle at Costco... a great place in which to get lost. [Photo courtesy Morris William]

... or quality...

Cheese at Dean and DeLuca
A selection of exotic fromage at Dean & DeLuca, Georgetown.

I never get “board” with cheese.

Cheeses
Cheesy Delights.

But I can get Borat with cheese. From the outtakes of Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, we have this hilarious exchange between the intrepid Kazakh reporter Borat Sagdiyev and a befuddled supermarket worker...

Borat: And what is this?
Store Clerk: That’s cheese.
Borat: And what of this?
Store Clerk: That’s cheese...
Borat: And this?
Store Clerk: That’s cheese...
Borat: And what is this? Rice?
Store Clerk: No, that’s cheese. This is all cheese here.
Borat: But this say “Crackers,” this not cheese.
Store Clerk: No, Crackers [Cracker Barrel] is the brand, that’s cheese...

OK, that’s enough for now. It’s time to cut the cheese...

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